EgYpTiAn PrInCesS

THOUGHTS OF A NEW MUM

2009-11-23T06:44:00.000-08:00

Motherhood, a totally different transition in life. Permanent changes in a woman's lifestyle, behaviour, charactor and mental thoughts. For once, I have learnt to appreciate my mother's selfless sacrifices for me and my siblings. I can imagine how challenging it is to bring up the three of us all by herself. The endless chores and numerous sleepless nights she had went through.

I learn now the power of love for one's own child. Everytime I see my baby, I have the uncontrollable urge to hold her in my arms and smell her baby breath. Everytime she smile at me, my heart is filled with overwhelming joy. Everything seems so worthwhile. The extra pounds on me didnt seem to matter anymore. All I want and wish for is for my child to grow strong and healthy. And I made my daily prayers for her. Is so natural now to relate to God and to entrust my child to Him. During my pregnancy, I prayed for a smooth delivery and now I pray for good health and strength and safety for my little one. There is a a spiritual and religious change in me and is the love for my child which made me found God and to recognise His strength.

Patience and endurance. Tending to my crying baby both day and night requires lots of patience and endurance. To my baby, I am her whole world and I need to shower her with lots of tenderness and love to make her feel secure and safe. Although at times, I feel like I have reached the breaking point but when I hold her in my arms, I feel revitalise and the amazing strength of a mother push me on.

Is an amazing new life for me. Now, Life has a totally different meaning and I want to experience life with my child and to provide her with the best as much as I can.

A song by Faye Wong, dedicated to her own daughter:

风雨过後不一定有美好的天空
不是天晴就会有彩虹
所以你一脸无辜不代表你懵懂

不是所有感情都会有始有终
孤独尽头不一定惶恐
可生命总免不了最初的一阵痛
但愿你的眼睛只看得到笑容
但愿你流下每一滴泪都让人感动
但愿你以後每一个梦不会一场空

天上人间如果真值得歌颂
也是因为有你才会变得闹哄哄
天大地大世界比你想像中朦胧
我不忍心再欺哄
但愿你听得懂但
愿你会懂该何去何从

SWEET HONEY PIE

2009-11-08T19:07:00.000-08:00

Had a busy weekend. Baby full month celebration. Brought my sweetie to her first haircut. And she wore a dress for the first time. Looks so sweet and kissable in her dress.. couldnt help but kissed her non-stop.

My confinement is over. YEAH. I drank lychee drinks and ate BBQ stingray. Finally, after 9 months of healthy and careful eating... I can indulge in some sinful food.. but of course, because Im still on a STRICT DIET as im still not back to my pre-pregnancy weight, I only ate a bit BUT it was satisfying enough.

Everyone has commented that I have put on weight and is depressing lah.. although they did mention I look better now as I was underweight before BUT I dont believe them.. sob.. I just feel FAT FAT FAT.........bleah.. now Im weighing a 52kg... really hope I can shed another 5 kg before the year ends........ haiz......

Losing track of time

2009-11-01T15:27:00.000-08:00

Is 7 am in the morning and Im in front of my laptop. I dont even wake up this early when i go to work.

Is almost 4 weeks and really, my life has changed totally. I can no longer sleep a straight 8 hours.. have to feed my little one in every 2 to 3 hours interval. I have to be on a constant alert mode, in case my little one cries for me. My life revolves around her. And yes, I am loving every moment of it.. is just that it can be quite tiring.

I look myself in the mirror. And I realise that life will never be like before again. Is no longer about myself. I have to think for another one and live for another one. Is amazing. Motherhood. Yes, I am very protective and possessive over her. And I know I am ready to make all sacrifices for her.

Whatever exhaustion I have.. a smile from her makes everything all worthwhile.

REACHING THE POINT OF INSANITY

2009-10-27T01:16:00.000-07:00

My little one had not been herself. Suffering from nappy rash, she had been crying the whole night and it isnt easy trying to soothe her and to calm her to sleep. And especially when I am doing everything myself. HE IS TOO BUSY BEHAVING LIKE A FUCKED UP PIG.

Went for my gym regime. Just left the house for less than an hour. And the minute I reached home, I saw my little one in a pool of vomit and HE IS LYING THERE RIGHT BESIDE HER SLEEPING!!.. It hurts me to see my little one so helpless and I cant take it when HE IS THERE YET IS NOT AWARE OF THE SITUATION. I am on the verge of breaking down. Why is he still so irresponsible? Why isnt he taking on the role of a dad?.. I feel like asking HIM to fuck off.. really.. the sight of him just piss me off majorly now.

Is been 3 weeks. I dont see HIM doing anything to help. I cant trust HIM to do anything. I dun see the point of HIM being around. Maybe is better for him to just go.

BREAKING THE RULES

2009-10-25T07:24:00.000-07:00

I have broken all confinement rules in record time. Is only about 3 weeks into my confinement and I have broken all rules.

Bathed and washed my hair. Started my crash diet. Went to the gym and started my gym regime. And today, I drank coffee and dyed my hair. I cant help it. Im too much of a perfectionist, cant see myself in such a fugly state. Next week, I think I will be going for my makeover session, if I have the time. I wana feel good of myself, since nobody else is making me feel better.

Taking care of a newborn aint easy. But I love her too much to complain. What I cant tolerate is HE not being supportive or understanding at all. HE hasnt done anything to prove that he is trustworthy as a father at all and is making me really upset. HE is still the same. Listening to everything the MIL has to say. And wtf does the MIL knows?? Is really irritating to the max! I can't take it when HE is now a father and still cant take his own stand and waits for me to clear every single mess that he and the MIL have created. WTF!!

I need to vent this out before I go mad!! I dun wana feel unhappy when Im around with her coz i wan her to feel only happiness and love. So I gota VENT MY UNHAPPINESS ALL OUT HERE. I gota be strong for her sake. Actually by being how He is now, just make everything clearer. Just make me feel less obligated to be a good wife. It doesnt matter as much anymore coz I have her to take care of. She is my only motivation in life now. And is all that matters.

ON A MISSION

2009-10-23T02:34:00.001-07:00

Im on a mission. I MUST lose all the weight I have gain soon. A whole 10 kg of fats!! Can't imagine how im going to do that but I will try my best.

Went to the gym today. Will be going everyday from now on. BURN THOSE CALORIES!!

Need to be on strict diet. No temptations. No sweet evil goodies.

I HATE BEING FAT. Boo-hoo...

AN UNFORGETTABLE JOURNEY

2009-10-21T03:41:00.000-07:00

It was an awesome journey. A learning process with many different emotional, mental and physical changes.

During the first trimester, I was feeling faint frequently and I had difficulty keeping my dinners down. Was vomitting every evenings. I was feeling insecure and was afraid that I would not be successful again. Had weekly checkups to monitor my process closely. The first time I saw her on ultrasound scan was a touching moment. I prayed to God that He will watch over us throughout the pregnancy and keep us safe in His hands. I took unpaid leave just to ensure that I had plentiful rest.

I managed to go back to work in the second trimester. My belly grew with each day and a lot of people in the building were staring at me curiously. When my belly reached a basketball size, people around me, even strangers were talking to me and congratulating me. Though, I suffered from insomnia and every night I was tossing and turning in bed, trying to find the most comfortable position, waking up each morning, feeling unrest, I managed to pull through.

The excitement was overwhelming in the third trimester. Preparation of the nursery, buying of the baby stuffs. As I washed and folded her small tops and pants, I could not help but smile. I could not wait to hold her in my arms and smell her baby breath.

Finally, the moment arrived. It was a 24 hour labour and it was just PURE PAIN. I remembered when my gynae burst my waterbag, I was screaming and crying. And when the contractions came, I nearly lost my mind. I gave my all when the gynae told me to push. When she was placed on my stomach, my tears flowed out in joy. It was a miracle. As I held her hand in mine, I felt relieved and touched.

Is been two weeks after delivery. With endless days and nights of nappy changing, feeding, bathing and giving in to her every cries. My new duties as a mother are tiring but watching her sleep, smile and whine is satisfying enough to keep me going on.

What I detest now are the layers of skin and fats hanging on my arms, belly and thighs. Although I have lost 8 kg since delivery, I still have 12 kg more to lose to return to my pre-pregnancy weight. Ewww... is a long long way more to go.

It had been a long way. I am now a mother to a beautiful baby girl. I thank God for the miracle. And I know from the moment, I will love her with all my heart, protect her with all I have

~ to my baby Andeline.

HAPPY LUNAR NEW YEAR!

2009-01-28T23:13:00.000-08:00

killing me softly with her song... it feels so real, it hurts...

2009-01-19T03:51:00.001-08:00

If I were a boy
even just for a day
I'd roll out of bed in the morning
And throw on what I wanted

And go drink beer with the guys
And chase after girl
sI'd kick it with who I wanted
And I'd never get confronted for it
'Cause they stick up for me

If I were a boy
I think I could understand
How it feels to love a girl
I swear I'd be a better man
I'd listen to her
'Cause I know how it hurts
When you lose the one you wanted
'Cause he's taking you for granted
And everything you had got destroyed

If I were a boy
I would turn off my phone
Tell everyone it's broken
So they'd think that I was sleeping alone

I'd put myself first
And make the rules as I go
'Cause I know that she'd be faithful
Waiting for me to come home, to come home

If I were a boyI think I could understand
How it feels to love a girl
I swear I'd be a better man
I'd listen to her
'Cause I know how it hurts
When you lose the one you wanted
'Cause he's taking you for granted
And everything you had got destroyed

It's a little too late for you to come back
Say it's just a mistake
Think I'd forgive you like that
If you thought I would wait for you
You thought wrong

But you're just a boy
You don't understand
And you don't understand,
oh How it feels to love a girl
Someday you wish you were a better man

You don't listen to her
You don't care how it hurts
Until you lose the one you wanted
'Cause you're taking her for granted
And everything you had got destroyed
But you're just a boy

GOODBYE TO 2008

2008-12-30T18:19:00.000-08:00

2008.. A year of many ups and downs..

April - went to Australia for honeymoon
May - one of my hamsters, KIKI passed away
i got pregnant
June - suffered miscarriage
July- went Genting Highlands
August - pregnant again
September -miscarriage again
October - got my beloved pet, Joo joo

It had been a year of many losses. Many. I lost 2 babies. Definitely a big blow to me. Definitely a difficult time for me. Changed my mindset on a lot of stuffs. Im now afraid of being pregnant again. Coz the fear of losing the baby is definitely much more stronger and more realistic. Yet, I do want to become a mother of His child. Im still hoping for something. Sometimes I dreamt of holding my child. And I will wake up crying and feeling empty. I still cant find an explanation to what had happened. I can only pray for a miracle.

I lost a pet. And I got a new one. A cute little puppy. She is now a part of the family. Like my child. Maybe is because of her that I could pick myself up faster after my loss. She is a pleasant addition to my small home.

I lost a friend. Someone whom I did treasure as a friend. Someone who had been there for me to cheer me up, to listen to me when I am down. I think I said some stuffs I shouldnt have said. But I purely said what I did to her out of concern. Nothing more. Maybe I sounded harsh and she misunderstood me. But I hope she is still as happy and optimistic with life. I wish her the best from the bottom of my heart.

Is the last day of 2008. I think despite everything, I am still contented with what I have now. I can also feel that our love is becoming stronger. He had been there beside me all these time. Those moments when I hide in a corner to cry over my loss. Those moments when I lie in bed thinking of what went wrong. Those moments when I looked and felt like crap. With his comfort and love and patience, he accompanied me through my darkest days. I felt his sorrow but he had been gracious and like what a husband will do, he pulled me up and made me feel better again.

2009. I wish for good health, happiness, joy and everlasting love and bliss.

FUNNY

2008-12-14T23:48:00.000-08:00

20.09.2007 - A very special day.

Our wedding day.

Chanced upon this photo from my friend's FACEBOOK album.

Freaking funny. HE was pissed drunk after the wedding. And I was struggling to pull him to bed.

AND YES, I WILL BE YOUR SUPPORT FOR LIFE.

IS THE "CATCHING UP WITH FRIENDS" TIME

2008-12-12T02:14:00.000-08:00

And is the end of the year...

Lots of friends to meet, just to catch up and to sum up the whole year's gossips..

Starting with the home party this Saturday. A mini gathering with a few nutcase. Should be fun. And of course, my long-awaited KTV session on Sunday... NEED TO SING OUT LOUD!!!

An eventful and difficult year coming to an end in a few days' time. I really hope next year will be much better one.... happier at least...

AND OF COURSE, these few days there is only ONE thing on my mind.... WILL MY STINGY-LIKE-HELL BOSS GIVE ME MY FUCKING BONUS???!!!!

FINALLY IS XMAS

2008-11-25T22:03:00.000-08:00

Since young, I have always LOVE Xmas!!

And not just me, even my baby gal is in LOVE with the Xmas TREE too!!

SICK

2008-11-10T20:15:00.000-08:00

Down with flu AGAIN

IS the nth time this year. Think is a sign.

I need a holiday.

STUFFS I DO IN THE OFFICE, BESIDES WORK

2008-11-07T00:13:00.000-08:00

THANKS TO FACEBOOK

2008-11-04T00:24:00.000-08:00

For many years, I had been wondering what the girls were up to..

As we grew up, we drifted apart, and I lost contact with them. I am sure they must be doing much better than me. They must have gotten some degree and must be holding some high-paid jobs in big companies.

But a part of me still miss them a lot, thinking about those days when we hang around in school and played volleyball till late and those exciting moments when we played "hide-and-seek" with our notorious discipline master.

At times, I will look at our photos taken during those days, which I still keep with me.

Finally, FACEBOOK allowed me to track them down. Is been years. And I found them.. I am so happy that they remembered me.

ALISON, ENQI, MAE....They may never know this, but they had always been on my mind.. I MISS THOSE BITCHES!!!

AILMENTS

2008-11-03T01:14:00.000-08:00

Im suffering from:

(1) Monday blues;
(2) Emailphobia;
(3) Workphobia; and
(4) Post weekend syndrome.

MY REPLY TO YOU

2008-10-30T19:47:00.000-07:00

"In life, I have fought once till I bled with this person.

Sometimes, I think she’s more than a “person”; she’s louder than me in all cadence, cruder in all senses and languages, despicable in all tricks and fancies. Not mentioning that she is borned with dracular incisors, as she digs her teeth right into her victim, she sucks the sanity out and turn them into midnight lunatics. ................

...........................................

............I was glad that that I saw the record from blogspot that u were a follower of my blog. Dont know why, it is good to know that someone has been following up the things that bogged my mind, and mattered in my heart.
Thank you, and for all the fights we had!"

She brought tears to my eyes. I knew she could write well, but she had never really written anything about me much before. I read her blog entry thrice. Even print it out so that I could bring it home to keep it.

We grew up together. We ended up with totally different personalities. We argued a millionth time. We exchanged the most hurting words. But in the end, nothing has changed. She is and will always be my only sister in this world.

I admit that I had never been a role model to both my younger sis and brother. Used to be a rebellious youth who spent most time out than at home. Is only now, when I am finally married and got a home of my own, that I realised I have lost my chance to be the "elder sister" to my two growing younger siblings. They have already grown up with their own life.

I am proud to have them. My sister, the most un-gentle nurse. My brother, the most sissy soldier-to-be. I know I will always be protective of them, in my own way.

My 10 promises to my dog, my best pal

2008-10-28T22:20:00.000-07:00

1. Please enjoy your life with me.

2. Place your trust in me. It's crucial to my well-being.

3. Please never forget I have my own feelings.

4. When I don't want to do what you want, I have a reason.

5. Play and Talk to me a lot. Even if I don't understand your words, I understand you.

6. Remember before you hit me that I have teeth that could easily crush the bones of you but that I choose not to bite you.

7. Take care of me when I get old.

8. My life is likely to last about ten years. Please try to find time staying with me as much as you can.

9. You have your school and your friends. I have only you.

10. When I'm passing away, please be with me. And, remember that I love you.

These are the 10 promises which are emphasized in the show "the 10 promises to my dog". And I am going to remember and promise the same to Joojoo - the gal who makes me smile after a long day's work. The gal who licks my tears when I cry. The gal who always welcome me home be it rain or shine. The gal who makes my world a happier place.

SENSELESS

2008-10-22T21:35:00.000-07:00

There must be something for me to live for.

There should be a reason for me to smile.

There will be sunshine for me after the rain...

Im exhausted. By so much.

When and how will I find my something, my reason and my sunshine ?

Wierd.

I realised I have forgotten how to get over my unhappiness. I just try to hide the sorrow.

I NEED A MIRACLE.

MY BABY GAL

2008-10-09T00:18:00.000-07:00

IS TIME TO MOVE ON

2008-10-08T19:20:00.000-07:00

I had a bad deal. .. again

But i think is time to move on. To gather the broken pieces of my heart and move on.

It isn't easy but I will try.

LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT

2008-08-13T19:30:00.001-07:00

I have never believed in LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT.. till now.

My new puppy, JOO JOO. The most adorable baby. The way she looked at me just melt my heart.

I am so crazily in LOVE.

MY DEAREST KIKI : 25TH DECEMBER 2007 TO 3RD AUGUST 2008

2008-08-07T01:50:00.000-07:00

The Rainbow Bridge

Written by Author Unknown

RAINBOW BRIDGE

Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.

When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable. All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor. Those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent. His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together

....Author unknown.. .

I cried as I hold your lifeless body in my hands. I will remember you as the mischevious one who doesn't fail to bring a smile to my face whenever I see you. You had been one of my best.

I miss you.

JUST HAVING SOME FUN

2008-07-31T23:54:00.000-07:00

My sis and I went to try on wigs.

I think i will never ever cut my hair short.

ESCAPE

2008-07-08T19:22:00.000-07:00

Just meant to escape from EVERYTHING for awhile.

Went to GENTING HIGHLANDS.

I appreciate the 3 days' peace granted to me.

A TEST OF STRENGTH

2008-06-24T23:56:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I still put my hand on my stomach. Unknowingly. Still wish to feel that bulge.

I have learnt to accept the loss. But I am still sad. If only, things had been different. If only.

I lost hope and lots of my beliefs. Nothing really matters now.

Because life will always be cruel.

MY UNBORN NEWBORN

2008-06-10T04:26:00.000-07:00

When I first saw you on screen
I could already imagine your mischevious grin
I couldnt wait to hold your hands
And count your fingers, from one to ten

Pictures of you appear in my mind
Mentally counting down the time
When I can hold you in my arms
And watch you suck your little thumb

But on the 30th day of May
the Doctor made my life so gray
He said your heart had stopped beating
And he could not do anything

My love, mummy loves you true
Even though I will never see you
Please remember wherever you are
Daddy and Mommy misses you from afar.. ..

The pain and the heartache
I think i will need a very long time to heal this time round
It was a God's gift.... lost too soon...

WHEN OUR HEARTS BEAT AS ONE

2008-05-16T01:11:00.000-07:00

It aint easy. But our love for the little one will make everything worthwhile.

All the vomitting, faintness, bloatedness and weepiness.

9 months of anticipation = an eternity of happiness....

I wana smell your baby breath..

MY CORNER

2008-04-15T00:35:00.000-07:00

If I should ever leave this place, I guess this little corner will be deeply missed by me.

This is where I do my touch ups, where I comb my hair, where I wipe my tears.

Is like my secret cosy corner.... in the office.

I STILL LOVE YOU

2008-04-10T19:37:00.000-07:00

Was annoyed and upset and totally affected by what the MEAN OLD WITCH had accused me of.

I know I shouldnt vent my irritation on HIM. But too bad. HE is related to that WITCH.

Yet, HE got me THIS. 12 ROSES. I know. HE LOVES ME. So, f**k off WITCH. Dun ruin what we have here.

Did something to my hair too. Spending money is a kind of therapy too.

FUN FUN & FUN AT MELBOURNE

2008-04-08T04:35:00.000-07:00

ZOO

2008-04-08T04:14:00.001-07:00

IRRITANTS

2008-04-08T00:06:00.000-07:00

I enjoyed my Melbourne trip. It was a refreshingly relaxing experience.

No work. Just shop, eat and enjoying the beautiful works of nature.

But the peace and joy didnt continue long after I return.

Why do IRRITANTS EXIST? F**K. I dun like to be RUDE to OLD AUNTIES. But SHE, THAT PARTICULAR OLD AUNTIE is REALLY one BLOODY SUCKER!!

If need to, I wont hesitate to PUNCH YOU if you continue to push your weight around me. STOP BOTHERING ME!!!!!!!!!! F**K OFF!!!

IT SHOULDNT FEEL THIS WAY

2008-03-19T22:29:00.000-07:00

I am going to Melbourne for my long overdue honeymoon trip in 3 days time. But I don't feel the excitement.

I am suffering from the MAJOR TOOTHACHE of the century. It hurts so much. I need to go extract the decayed wisdom tooth BUT i have got no time to do it. Dammit. Of all times, it has chosen NOW to decay.

Bloody WISDOM TOOTH. I HATE YOU.

Is either I try punching out my tooth now or I shall suffer in pain throughout my whole trip.. SHIT SHIT SHIT!!!!

WISDOM

2008-03-13T01:43:00.000-07:00

Husband: When I get mad at you, you never fight back. How do you control your anger?

Wife: I clean the toilet...

Husband: How does that help?

Wife: I use your toothbrush....

ON A DAY LIKE THIS

2008-03-11T21:20:00.000-07:00

On a day like this, all I want to do is to cuddle in bed with you.

You may make me frown or make me cry but you always manage to make me feel better with a single hug. You are just so amazing the way you are.

In one month's time, we are moving into our 5 years together. May we have more to come.

Cheers to LOVE.

WHEN ABSENCE MAKE MY HEART FONDER

2008-03-04T18:05:00.000-08:00

Last 2 weeks I realised how much I have grown used to HIS presense, HIS hugs and kisses.

When they say time may make the flame of love dimmer, i guess it is not entirely true. Coz 5 years with him now just made me LOVE him MORE and I crave for his hugs more than ever. I want an enternity with him.

I also found someone else whom I know will be there to protect and care for me unconditionally. Although she feared the monstrous COCKROACHES as much as I do, she did not hesitate to kill them. JUST FOR ME. Her courage touched me that night. Although I was laughing and screaming in my hide-out while she was battling fiercely with those disgusting creatures, it was a moment which I shall remember for a long time.

Someone asked me what is happiness. I guess I know the answer now.

To feel the love and care for you from that someone you treasure.

THE RED ME

2008-02-20T21:22:00.000-08:00

Did something totally shocking.

Went to dye my hair red last nite. Wierd.

FALL, FALLING, FALLEN

2008-02-19T22:55:00.000-08:00

I just got to record this to remind myself to walk carefully in the future.

Slipped and fell at the coffeeshop while I was buying dinner last night.

Fell flat..on my face.

I just wanted to disappear then and then.

It was so embarrassing. I dont think I will be eating there again in the next 2 months or so.

Dammit.

MY FIRST ROSES FROM YOU

2008-02-15T01:11:00.000-08:00

Your sweet little surprise brought tears to my eyes.

It may not be much, but i am truly touched.

My dear, I love you just the way you are.

Jo's new home

2008-01-14T22:54:00.000-08:00

GOODBYE 2007

2007-12-27T19:16:00.000-08:00

Is the end of year 2007. An exciting year of changes and independence and fun.

Got a home of my own. Is small but cosy.

Had my wedding. Is simple but fun and lovely (i think).

Got myself 2 pet hamsters. Now I end up with 12 of them. Horny animals, just breeding non-stop.

Bonded closer with a couple of my friends. I really do love them.

Became a part-time tutor. Just love teaching those little rascals. Their innocence always put a smile to my face.

Got myself a new handphone, free of charge.

I think I shan't be too greedy. I am thankful for the good things that happen to me this year. Even for the unhappy moments, i guess, coz of the tough times, I have grown up stronger.

Even Santa remembered me at the thirteenth hour. I got myself a bonus. I went out partying with my friends. I had a funky Christmas eve.

Not to mention, the 6 Christmas hamster babies I found at home after I came back from church.

Farewell 2007. .. ..

MERRY XMAS TO ....ME!!

2007-12-23T17:59:00.000-08:00

There is something seriously wrong here.

I am sulking in the office, alone on Xmas Eve. With no news of bonus from my stingy boss.

Dammit.. I think i deserve at least a month's bonus or something from him, after rejecting the job offer from someone else, with a much better pay.

And HE is not giving me any xmas gift this year. HE, the one who i married. Shit. Coz he is broke. I dont expect anything expensive, just want a sweet little surprise from him. But I think I can just forget about it now.

And, the whole world seem to be NOT WORKING today. Why am I even here? Facing my computer and the pile of files beside me....Dreadz..

And I dont think i am going to any Xmas bash tonight. Used to be the party-gal who hops from clubs to clubs on Xmas eve night. Seems like ages. I want to go partying again.

Breathe. I need to talk to you, SANTA. Have you forgotten all about me? ..sobz

I JUST GOTA RELEASE THE STEAM

2007-12-02T19:11:00.000-08:00

Is annoying. To be disturbed in the middle of the night. Esp with messages like this "I wana borrow money. Entertain or not?"

It is not my duty to be looking after the wallets of other people. Esp those who spend their money gambling, drinking and clubbing. Not to mention it is a bloody rude message with no "PLEASE" OR "THANK YOU" OR "SORRY". The person who send this message should really learn to be polite and have some sense of consideration. BLOODY HELL. I was already suffering monday blues on a sunday night and this ASSHOLE just gota agitate me more.

Some people never learn.

AND I REALLY WANT TO DECLARE TO THE WHOLE WORLD: I DO NOT HAVE A FUCKING MONEY PRINTING MACHINE AT HOME. And even if i did, I would rather spend the money all ON MYSELF.

20 SEPTEMBER 2007

2007-10-16T02:37:00.000-07:00

A day I will remember for the rest of my life. I love you...

GOOD MORN!!

2007-10-09T20:38:00.001-07:00

An idiot woke me up with this SMS at 5 a.m. this morning:

"What to do if a Vietnamese woman married a man here just to stay here and nw the husband is missing? Should she lodge a police report?"

I read the message twice, checked out who the sender was and I kept in mind to do the same thing to him.

Maybe i should send him this SMS at 4 a.m. tomorrow morning:

"What to do if I really do need to shit but my asshole doesnt seem to want to allow exit?"

WAR OF THE PIMPLES!!

2007-09-06T04:14:00.000-07:00

IS 2 WEEKS from my BIG DAY and im having a major pimple breakout!!!

I have a few small ones at my chin area and ONE GIGANTIC one between my eyes.. How pretty...sob

I am like so super stressed up now. With my work, HIS family and the wedding.. having the breakouts doesnt help.

PLEASE, let me have beautiful skin for my big day.. I just wana be a beautiful bride...

A GAL'S DREAMS

2007-08-19T20:58:00.001-07:00

BRIDE AND GROOM

2007-07-15T22:49:00.000-07:00

HAPPY FAMILY

2007-06-18T19:19:00.001-07:00

SIMPLICITY - what the hell!!

2007-06-04T23:56:00.000-07:00

I am in a complete emotional mess.

Had been hearing too much of "someone else's husband fucking another slut", "someone else's wife screwing another guy". Affairs after affairs.

What has become of this world? Where the hell is simplicity? Where is true love? How about everlasting love?

Too much of betrayal. I am so affected, I am starting to have nightmares. I cant bring myself to believe anything now.

I am disillusioned. Why cant everything be sweet and beautiful forever?

I pray that God will watch over me and bless me with love.

TELL HIM I LOVE HIM

2007-05-22T19:29:00.000-07:00

I cant wait to see my wedding pictures. Still have to wait for another week. I am satisfied with the gowns and makeup. Not to mention the places where the photographer took us to, for our outdoor shooting. Blue waters, sunset, greenery, hills...NICE.

I cant deny that as the days draw nearer to the wedding, I am getting more jittery and stressed. I am praying and hoping so much that everything will go as planned and be as perfect as possible. After all, I can only be a bride once.

I am really feeling lucky and happy now. But it is always at one's best moments, when one becomes afraid of losing all. I want to possess everything I have now eternally. I dun want to lose anything at all.

Although HE may not be the best person around, but to me, in my eyes, in my heart, I finally realise that I really want to spend my whole life with him. I want to be the one to love him and I want to grow old with him. My dear, I LOVE YOU.

WELCOME WELCOME

2007-04-26T19:08:00.000-07:00

One more day to my housewarming party.

Hehehe..cant wait for my friends to come over to share the new joy.

MY HOME

2007-04-20T01:36:00.000-07:00

Finally, I have settled down in my new place. After days of cleaning, days of hassle, I have finally moved into my new home.

I am in love with it. Although now, I gota learn to do my own laundry, cook my own meals and not to mention, no more slacking during the weekends. I have to do the household chores. But I am loving every part of it.

It is a new stage of my life. Living with HIM. I know there are a lot of adapting to do. HE is too used to being served by HIS mum. HE had better learnt to grow up.

I have to admit I am extremely tired. But I am hanging on. Hanging on to my new love.

WHINING

2007-04-02T19:58:00.000-07:00

I cant tolerate this anymore. I may sound like a bad daughter-in-law, whatever, but please, why arent they showing any interest or concern about OUR new house? We are moving out next week, for goodness sake. I dont even think they are aware of that.

All day long, all night long, all they can talk about is HIS brother's wedding! And we were the ones who declared we will be having ours this year since way back. Now they have stolen the limelight from us by having theirs 4 months ahead of ours. How considerate.

And now on top of all this hassle with the new house, not to mention, they have by far not congratulate us, encourage us, nor showed any interest. Worst, HIS mum even cried about it. Is as if I am stealing her son away from her. Omg. I still have to go accompany them to their food tasting session. Check out gowns for His mother for their wedding. I really am not that enthusiastic about their wedding, can anybody sense that?

How many times have I wanted to screamed at them? To slap some senses into their heads?

Fine, I may sound really petty, I may sound like a real bitch, but I just need some attention from them. Or maybe I feel bad for HIM. He is afterall, their son too. Why isnt His issues just as important? Dont they even feel embarrassed that I am the one paying for almost everything now? Dont they feel ashamed that my dad is the one offering us financial help with our new flat? Dont they feel awkward to know that they arent doing enough for their son when he most needed some support?

I really really am so fed up with them. erghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!

CHOICES ; OPTIONS; DECISIONS

2007-03-29T22:26:00.000-07:00

I have been asked this question recently. A couple of times. From myself, from my frans and from another potential employer.

"Why don't you move on?"

And this has been the most frequent issue I have been pondering about. What do I want? From my work, from my life and from the people around me. What do I really want?

I want a better job. A higher paid job to be exact. I have been given an offer. $2,500 per month. 5 days week. Specific job scope. Just handling ONE area of law. No rushing to the bank hassle. No going to court hassle. No going to open the mailbox hassle. Even better, no meeting the clients hassle.

I have been asked to go and further my studies. Why not? Since I have always been thinking of learning more.

Yet, my final decision was to stay put HERE. Was it because I am not gutsy enough to introduce change in my life? Could be. But most importantly, I feel committed to all my clients here. And I think despite all the hassles, I am learning a lot from where I am now.

I will move on. Soon. But I think that the time is not right. Not yet. I want to be more prepared for whatever endeavours I have in the future. And somehow, I get the feeling that this place is the training grounds.

I have a feeling I am going through the phase of metamorphosis. I want to change slowly, effectively.

IS BEEN AWHILE

2007-03-14T20:00:00.000-07:00

Is been sometime. Since I have write about my thoughts, my feelings and about my life.

So much has happened. Experienced so much loss.

I finally understood that nothing last forever. Well..only memories. But even memories do fade over time. I remembered those times. When I was a kid. How I spent time at my uncle's place. How we celebrated Christmas at my place. And my favourite cousin. How I like to listen to his stories. We even went Genting together. And I spent the entire journey there listening to my cousin talk about his teenagehood.

My uncle passed away recently. An unfortunate death. He must have been feeling really lonely and depressed to die the way he chose. I know that with his death, my cousin will never contact me anymore. He has decided to draw the line.

And I lost my wedding ring.

Somehow, the losses of the precious things around me make me realise that I have been taking too much things for granted. Never knew the pain of loss till I really lost them.

I have make a vow. To myself. Appreciate the people around me and the things I have for what they are. Coz their values will never be appreciated till the day I no longer possess them. Yet by then, it will be too late.

LAO YU-SHENG

2007-02-23T12:43:00.000-08:00

Mr L brought the whole happy family to lao yu-sheng. It was a joyful lunch. And of course, the lunch was at his favourite dim-sum restaurant. haha..

I love the gatherings during the Chinese New Year. It adds on to the festive mood. Seeing Mr K, Cindy back with the group and listening to their crappy jokes is enough to make me smile non-stop. Not to mention, the whole restaurant was packed and it really had the feeling of "guo nian guo jie".

Besides Cindy and me, the rest were so reluctant to take pictures that I had to take snap shots of them...hehe...

HAPPY NEW YEAR..GONG XI GONG XI...

2007-02-19T13:38:00.000-08:00

LOSING A CLOSE FRIEND

2007-02-09T02:27:00.000-08:00

How can I keep a close friend to my side?

I have lost 2 great friendships before. And recently i have just added one more to my list.

But this time round, I was the one to give the red light.

Because his galfriend confronted me. She didnt like the friendship I had with her boyfriend.

What can i say more?

I had a long talk with him. He didnt understood my decision though.

He may not know this. But I am sad. Becoz i believe good friends are hard to come by. And I had lost 2 of my close friends before. I didnt like the feeling.

I am happy that I still have Joanna and Cindy with me. Coz it is always nice to know that someone does understand and care for you.

AN UNEXPECTED MEET UP

2007-02-05T05:04:00.000-08:00

I have a friend. A friend I got to know from the Net. Someone I knew for 2 years without meeting up. He is a sweet guy who will send cards to my place on birthdays and valentine's day.

Finally, we met on Friday night. At dragonfly. He is in fact my fran's fran's fran's fran. How sweet....

PRECIOUS MOMENTS

2007-02-04T18:31:00.001-08:00

IM SO SO SO SO TIRED...phew!

2007-02-04T01:56:00.001-08:00

It had been a crazy weekend.

Went clubbing 2 nites in a row. Went to dragonfly and Music underground. The best thing was I shook hands with SLY and took pictures with him. I was like standing so close to him the whole nite... *blush* and I was so ecstactic that night... My frans thought I was mad... Hahaha...

But think I got enough of partying already. Need plenty of rest now.

Met up with Cindy and Jo just now. Went to discuss about my wedding plans at MOS burger. haha.. think my wedding is going to be real fun..

I miss my baby... wonder what he is doing now... and tomorrow is my baby's brother wedding... it feels wierd to be there without HIM..

MY BABY IS GOING BACK TO CAMP

2007-01-27T21:00:00.000-08:00

Sob.. HE is going back to camp tomorrow. Wont be seeing HIM for 2 weeks. Once again, I will need to find things to do to occupy my time. Although I may seem to be always mad at HIM about something. But somehow, not being able to see HIM for 2 weeks just make me feel unhappy. I am also going to try NOT TO QUARREL with HIM over the phone for these 2 weeks. Just wana be his sweet sweet gal.

Well, actually, I do have lots to do.... Need to visit the hair salon, need to go buy new year dresses and undies ..and maybe a new pair of heels. Need to meet up with some friends. And maybe I can take this chance to go compile the songs and music I am going to use for my wedding. Also, not to forget, gonna attend HIS brother's ROM wedding. And maybe just one nite out for me, or make it two..hehe... Im dancing back to the clubs!! haha...

.... am feeling disappointed with a good friend of mine. I dont understand the reason of him having to lie to me. Although he did try to explain, but somehow I know, his one lie has already ruin EVERYTHING we ever did have between us. I thought we could trust each other. And is wierd. Why did he had to lie to me about who he is going out with? I aint going to feel anything anyway. Is he being too sensitive towards me or am I giving him the wrong idea here? A small lie can change a lot of things..and the changes are irreversible..

I am sorry my friend, but i dun trust u anymore...

A HOME OF MY OWN

2007-01-20T12:54:00.000-08:00

WE have bought a new place. Not exactly big, but I think is sufficiently spacious and comfy for the two of us. I actually fell in love with the place the minute I saw it. I love the open concept and renovation works.

Although we havent exactly moved in yet, however, I am beginning to feel the financial burden and responsibilities. I have taken on a part time job to earn more in order to meet the extra expenses. Yet, somehow, being the "giasu" type, I am afraid, is still not enough. I am currently looking for another tuition assignment. ...

Although I am delighted with the new home and am excited about having my own home, I am not sure how long more I can endure this hectic lifestyle. Still have so much planning to do... am preparing for the wedding dinner in September...not to mention HE IS WHOLLY DEPENDING ON ME...

I am just glad that I am getting the support from my dad and mum... Never have I ever felt their support so strongly... I am really touched..

MY NEW FOUND EYE CANDY

2007-01-06T18:46:00.000-08:00

I am sick. Very sick..fever and sore throat and cold...

what a great way to start the new year..

Anyway, I found a new eye candy.. Am watching this show "It started With A Kiss"..and I find the lead actress, Ariel Lin very pretty in her own natural way..Am addicted to her now..

MY FIRST MEAL OF 2007

2007-01-01T17:19:00.000-08:00

Hahaha... met my friend for lunch at Fish & Co. My first meal of 2007..

Had fish, mussels, squids, rather filling meal...

Anyway is a good sign.. Nian nian you yu...

ME AND HIM..WAITING FOR THE NEW YR..

2006-12-31T18:17:00.000-08:00

MOVING ON TO A HAPPIER AND BITCHIER 2007!

2006-12-30T19:18:00.000-08:00

I cannot believe it. 2006 is almost over and before I know it, 2007 is just round the corner.

This year had been a fruitful year. Somehow, friendships had played a major role in my life this year. And I have a few more friends whom I have acknowledged to be my "bitches" now ~ definition - bitch : my good/best friend.

Despite a few downs and despair, I have managed to survive those heart-breaking moments. I may not be the happiest gal in town but I know I have also learnt to seek my own share of fun and joy.

Not to forget, the unforgettable trip to HongKong. Fun, fun and more fun.

2007 is going to be a challenging year for me. It will be a year of tests and obstacles. I foresee them coming. Probably a new home? A wedding dinner? A new job? (... yah..before KC misunderstand, if you are reading this, I am looking for another part time job.)

I wish that my new found strength and independence can help me survive the new year. And I will have more bitches!!! Of course, I wish for beauty and happiness and wealth. hahaha...

MY FAVOURITE MAN

2006-12-30T19:14:00.000-08:00

MERRY CHRISTMAS 2006

2006-12-24T22:03:00.000-08:00

This is the first time I was in charge of the Christmas dinner. And I am proud of myself. Turned out to be quite a feast.

Went shopping for grocery, red wine, food myself. It was an adventure. Having to push the shopping cart through the crowd, looking for the right stuffs admist the chaos. Phew.

Met up with my good fran for coffee after the tiring task. Then proceeded to HIS place to prepare the food.

They seemed to enjoy the food I had prepared, and I am glad.

Anyway it was the first xmas party ever at HIS place. History made.

And I got a new GUESS wallet for myself.

SING OUR HEARTS OUT

2006-12-10T13:45:00.000-08:00

Met Cindy for a KTV session. Didnt know that KBOX provides lunch packages. The food was nice. And the 3 hours of singing plus the lunch plus one drink costs each of us less than 12 bucks!! is worth it.. but of course, not many people would get up to sing at 11 am...

Exchanged xmas gifts... hehe.. is kinda early but I am not sure if we still have time to meet up before xmas ... going to miss her loads...

A SAD MORNING CALL

2006-12-04T19:07:00.000-08:00

I was woken up by a sad phone call from my dear fran.

"Hello?"...I answered the call, half asleep. Trying to figure out the time. Sounding quite pissed off for being disturbed from my sleep.

"Jie....Is really over. She say she doesnt want to be with me anymore." Sobbing. I cant take it when a guy cries. My heart will just melt.

Immediately, I sat up. "What's wrong now?" I tried my best to sound as comforting as possible.

He broke down. He related his failed relationship to me. Sobbing and blowing his nose. I could feel his heartache over the phone. I felt like hugging him and telling him everything will be fine. All he need is time.

Sometimes, I wonder if love is a blessing or a curse. I have my own share of happiness and romance. But how can I not forget the hurt and pain that love brings along too? Similarly, couples around me who had claimed everlasting love all seem to have ended up in breakups.

I am not an expert in love. But I no longer believe in it.

And somehow, I am addicted to this song.

明天愛誰 Joey Yung 容祖兒

窗沒關睡不好天已亮
難得陽光卻燙醒剛冷掉的傷
我關上你打開的窗
現在一個人飛翔我忘了方向
回憶怎麼作廢我們總是學不會
只能像一張曾用愛暖過的被
褶放在衣櫃

*明天我愛誰別讓我流淚
你走後偶爾夜太黑我無路退就面對
明天我還愛誰我自由的飛
一場雨下完我的淚
最後要我和誰學會愛的完美

SUAY IS MY MIDDLE NAME

2006-12-04T00:38:00.000-08:00

WHO CAN BEAT THIS?

1. My hp fell into the toilet bowl when I was bathing.. Spent monies to repair it.
2. Fell from HIS bike when trying to get off. Bruises on elbow and thighs.
3. Burnt my own face when trying to iron my hair. Nw there is a patch of dry brownish skin on my face (NEAR MY NOSE). Cant even conceal it with my make up.
4. Super bad menstrual cramps.
5. Received a SMS reminder in regards to my overdue handphone bills.

ALL THESE IN 2 DAYS. My weekend was ROTTEN!!!!! And now im back at work, trying to hide my face from everyone. I failed.

ALL I WANT FOR XMAS IS NOKIA 7390

2006-11-30T23:08:00.000-08:00

I am not really a phone person. As in I don't usually change my phone unless is really unusable anymore. But I am so in love with this phone. I JUST HAD TO HAVE IT. Dear SANTA, PLS.....

HW MALUATING!!!!

2006-11-27T23:15:00.000-08:00

I went clubbing last nite. Drank quite a bit.. i cant drink well anyway.

At about 5.am., my world was spinning. I just had to close my eyes and rest my head on the bar counter.

When one angmoh sang "I will survive".... in the most horrendous voice ever... and apparently he dedicated the song to ... "the lady who is sleeping at the bar counter"

FUCK YOU UNDERSTAND!!!! I am a survivor AND DUN ANYHW DEDICATE SONG TO ME CAN?? AND I WASNT SLEEPING. I WAS MERELY RESTING. SO THAT I WONT PUKE ON UR SCREWED UP FACE!!! Tmd.

OUR NAMES IN JAP

2006-11-26T20:27:00.000-08:00

My family

Xuezhen, Dion - Zuezuhenu, Deonu
Xueli - Zueri
Yongsheng - Yongushingu
Mei Fong - Mei fungu (sounds like a type of fungus..haha)
Khng Beng - Kufungu Bengu

HIM

Shiwei: Shiuei

Colleagues

Swee Tee: Suuee Tee
Keng Chuang: Kengu Chiangu
Shoo Cheng: Shio Chingu
Kannan: Kannanu (sounds really vulgar)
Vinit : Binitsu

Friends
Cindy: Shinde
Joanna: Joanna (wierd, it is the same)
Farra: Furura (Reminds me of Furama, haha..sorry gal..)

I am in the festive mood aredi.. Just set up the Xmas tree in my office..the same old tree for 3 years with the same old deco.. hw cheapskate..haha... and i did my christmas shopping list... just simply cant get myself in the working mode... lalalalala...

MY FAVOURITE GALS

2006-11-24T20:14:00.000-08:00

WAT IS HAPPENING

2006-11-23T00:33:00.000-08:00

I am been really having the major mood swings these days.

One minute I feel jolly and the next minute I can be so grouchy, I will bite.

Is it because I have been hiding and stuffing too much stuffs in myself?

But I cant trust anyone enough to confide in. I cant even trust myself anymore.

LOST LOVE

2006-11-22T00:04:00.000-08:00

1) Washington Irving
Love is never lost. If not reciprocated, it will flow back and soften and purify the heart.

2) Otomo No Yakamochi
Better never to have met you in my dream than to wake and reach for hands that are not there.

3) Anonymous
Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss, and ends with a teardrop.

4) Jean Anouilh
There is love of course. And then there's life, its enemy.

5) Alfred Lord Tennyson
'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.

6) Kahlil Gibran
Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation.

7) Margaret Mitchell
I was never one to patiently pick up broken fragments and glue them together again and tell myself that the mended whole was as good as new. What is broken is broken -- and I'd rather remember it as it was at its best than mend it and see the broken places as long as I lived.

8) G. K. Chesterton
The way to love anything is to realize that it might be lost.

9) Samuel Butler
It is better to have loved and lost than never to have lost at all.

10) Socrates
The hottest love has the coldest end.

SUN KISS

2006-11-18T13:42:00.000-08:00

Met up with Cindy, Mario, Wen, Gordan and Li for a blading escapade. Fun, fun, fun.

Maybe I am too bottled up with tension. Maybe that was why I always feel so good just to be at the beach. The sunshine, the blue coolness of the sea, the sound of waves, the laughter from the people. My problems seem to leave me alone. Just for the moment.

I found another remedy.

PRETTY FACE IN PRETTY DRESSES..

2006-11-11T19:55:00.000-08:00

PARTY PARTY WORLD ~ SING A SONG

2006-11-07T13:27:00.000-08:00

RED STAR

2006-11-07T13:10:00.000-08:00

WTH

2006-11-05T18:34:00.000-08:00

My life had been upside down the past few days.

Sleeping at wierd hours..and yet I dont feel tired...until now. I just wanted to NOT THINK ABOUT IT.

Sometimes, I wonder if my expectations are too sky high for HIM... and yet I dont want to compromise too much...

I think the total number of hours I slept for the past 5 days is enough to justify why I look the way I look today..HORRENDOUS!! Feel like a character from "the nite of the living dead"..

Was at the beach on wednesday..all the way till dawn..with one of my good guy fran..who was the COMPANION for the following days too...Did not sleep at all and I crawled to work on thursday..
On thursday, again I met up with the COMPANION and i went home at 4 am!! I survived my day in the office on Friday with tons of coffee..
Friday nite was Karaoke nite with Cindy, the COMPANION and his galfran..then we hung around Maxwell till 4 am!! (with picts to be uploaded soon)...
Saturday went rollerblading the whole freaking day and now im toasted!!
Yesterday spent my day at my friend's place...Had a game of poker and we had baileys as the punishment for the loser...and i was drinking most of the time..slept for about 3 hours last nite..

YET YET... SOMEWHERE IN ME...i am still brooding about it..should i listen to HIM one last time...listen to whatever he has to say to me..he said he wana meet me tonite...do i need to even see him again. although i know, I had been occupying myself with so much activities the past few days WAS JUST SO that I wont think about HIM.

I AM SO WEAK. THERE IS A WAR WITHIN ME. I wana see HIM, I know I do.. Just want to be His baby again..YET I FEEL LIKE SHUTTING HIM OUT from my world forever and not grant him any more access to my heart..no more hurt and no more love.

WHAT THE HELL!!

PISSSED OFF

2006-10-31T18:11:00.000-08:00

I am so pissed off .

When i dont complain, that doesnt mean i have no issues.

So is not fair to judge me with someone else's comment, WHEN U HAVENT HEARD MY SIDE OF THE STORY!!!

Especially when I am your daughter!!!

I wana bite!!!

MY NICE COSY NEST

2006-10-28T18:05:00.000-07:00

Accomplished a couple of stuffs this weekend/ going to do:-

1. Finished a Defence and Counterclaim. yah... I brought work home to finish.. Can't believe it..but the workload is getting too too much...

2. Painted my toe nails. I have a wedding dinner to attend tonight.

3. Oh yah... I watched the match between Bolton and Manchester United..Rooney did a hat trick and my dearest Ronaldo contributed one goal too, despite having just recovered from his flu... good job..

4. Going to do my hair.. needs treatment already...

5. Of course, rest.

ME AT HOME

2006-10-24T13:51:00.000-07:00

COUCH POTATO

2006-10-23T18:23:00.000-07:00

IS NO WORK DAY AGAIN!!...

Bored at home...

wierd... last nite, I suddenly had a very strong urge for Katong Laksa...

UPSIDE DOWN

2006-10-23T14:24:00.000-07:00

How did I allow it to go so far?

And how am I going to stop it from going further...... coz I know deep down inside me, I have no intention to...

Shoot me...

LOST TOUCH

2006-10-22T14:20:00.000-07:00

Dammit...my computer crashed during the weekend...

Leaving me with absolutely nothing to do...

Thank gawd...it has been revived...

IS LIKE CHOCOLATES AND CIGARETTES

2006-10-19T16:53:00.000-07:00

It feels good yet is not right.

Is like chocolates and cigarettes, is addictive yet I know I shouldnt be indulging in it.

I should be saying "no" but yet, I know I have been yearning for it..

SINFUL....

ME AND HIM

2006-10-14T14:21:00.000-07:00

BITCHES AT THE BEACH..hahaha

2006-10-14T13:52:00.000-07:00

Met up with Cindy..my favourite bitch...hahahaha...

We decided on a rollerblading escapade..despite the haze... it was good to be at the beach..

I was approached by a photojournalist to pose for the "HOTBODS" section in The Straits Times...Hmm...but I had to reveal my abdomen, which was not possible as I was not in the "right" attire. Anyway she gave me her namecard and told me to email her my pictures and to contact her again. Apparently, "HOTBODS" is a section in the papers which features how youth keep fit these days....KEEP FIT? ... if only she knows how many sticks of ciggies I smoke each day...muahhahahaha...

Well, I think Cindy and me spent more time chatting than rollerblading..but who can blame us... we missed each other so much...

U HAVE TO LEARN TO STOP PLEASING EVERYONE

2006-10-10T17:04:00.000-07:00

That was what my friend told me two nights ago..

"You can't please everyone. One day, you will have be left with no choice but to hurt someone."

True. Yet, I don't know. Maybe I am too used to stuffing all my emotions into myself and yah, I may nag and complain to my gal friends around me...I guess, that is all I will ever do.

HE wants me to lose my sense of identity. He wants me to stay at home and to fully depend on him. Can I do it? Will I ever allow myself to become like that?

I am quite sure the arguments will not stop until I make clear to him my decision.

THE GLAMOUROUS

2006-10-09T01:51:00.000-07:00

"DEVIL WEARS PRADA" left me drooling....the dresses, boots, coats, skirts, bags, heels....

How glamourous and chic...

DID I MARRY THE RIGHT PERSON?

2006-10-05T19:04:00.000-07:00

EVERY relationship has a cycle.

In the beginning, you fell in love with your spouse. You anticipated their call, wanted their touch, and liked their idiosyncrasies. Falling in love with your spouse wasn't hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn't have to DO anything. That's why it's called "falling" in love... Because it's happening TO YOU. People in love sometimes say, "I was swept of my feet."Think about the imagery of that expression. It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and then something came along and happened TO YOU.

Falling in love is easy. It's a passive and spontaneous experience. But after a few years of marriage, the euphoria of love fades. It's the natural cycle of EVERY relationship.

Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse's idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts. The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship, but if you think about your marriage, you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage.

At this point, you and/or your spouse might start asking, "Did I marry the right person?" And as you and your spouse reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else. This is when marriages breakdown. People blame their spouse for their unhappiness and look outside their marriage for fulfillment.

Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity is the most obvious. But sometimes people turn to work, church, a hobby, a friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances. But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your marriage. It lies within it. I'm not saying that you couldn't fall in love with someone else. You could. And TEMPORARILY you'd feel better. But you'd be in the same situation a few years later. Because (listen carefully to this):

THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON; IT'S LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND.

SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. It'll NEVER just happen to you. You can't "find" LASTING love. You have to "make" it day in and day out. That's why we have the expression "the labor of love." Because it takes time, effort, and energy. And most importantly, it takes WISDOM.

You have to know WHAT TO DO to make your marriage work. Make no mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can do (with or without your spouse) to succeed with your marriage. Just as there are physical laws of the universe(such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships. Just as the right diet and exercise program makes you physically stronger, certain habits in your relationship WILL make your marriage stronger. It's a direct cause and effect. If you know and apply the laws, the results are predictable... you can "make" love.

Love in marriage is indeed a "decision"... Not just a feeling.

The greatest challenge in our life is to find someone who knows your flaws and differences and yet still willingly embraces you with so much love

MUMMY'S BIG DAY!

2006-10-04T14:08:00.000-07:00

Is the big day of the most important woman of my life...

Happy Birthday, mum!!

I WANA TRAVEL AROUND THE WORLD

2006-10-03T19:34:00.000-07:00

Hmm..I am still in lalaland. I can't seem to settle down after my HongKong trip and I really have no mood to work.

I am back to my monotonous life. Work, sleep, eat, work, sleep, eat.....

Don't think I am satisfied with such a boring life. I have decided. I want to be a travellor. I want to travel around the world. Live everyday like there is no tomorrow. Just have fun, fun and more fun....

Sprouting rubbish now when i should be doing research...dammit....